Surprised.

"Fake it 'til you make it."  The phrase often gets thrown around.  I myself have used it from time to time.  Internally, tonight, It kept popping into my head as I saw my reflection in the kitchen windows.  Actually, lately, when I intentionally or even inadvertently view my reflection,  I hear my subconscious echo this phrase.

But not in the sense that I'm coaching myself to do so.  Rather, that it has already been ingrained in my behavior; and more specifically my body image.  I'm still processing some of this train of thought, so bear with me.  

I am no where near my ideal physique.  Actually, I don't think I even have a body that I can claim to be in the same sentence as "physique".  But recently, since I've been hearing the subconscious mantra "fake it 'til you make it" repeat, it seems that I have finally eased the reins on my harsh and unrelenting negative body image.

Once upon a time, in the midst of my eating disorder and other self defeating behaviors,  I would literally cringe and cower at the sight of my reflection.  Mentally I would completely assault my entire being.  Physically, mentally, emotionally, and spiritually.  

Although I still have my days or moments of disapproval, I seem to have strung together many more days of love, support, appreciation, and favour for what my body provides me with, and what I am capable of.

I felt the urge to blog this, as I saw my reflection tonight and was surprisingly accepting.  It is a new and welcomed feeling. I may not have always completely believed myself when I would think and feel accepting thoughts about my body, but it seems like I have successfully "fake'd it" into a consistent behavior.

I'll take it.