Recap of where I left off:
What matters is that I eventually owned up to having a problem, and asked for help. Through amazing family support, growth in faith, therapy (cognitive behavioral therapy/training, pharmacol, & counseling), time, and self-exploration, it's been two plus years since I've abandoned a disordered eating lifestyle.
As I mentioned, its been thee most formative experience in my life; but not because of the struggles and the lows that I hit, but because what I experienced in picking myself back up. I tend to be a very resourceful individual, so I utilized Dakota County Assistance programs to assist with costs of counseling, sought growth through small groups at church, read a lot and utilized CBT and Body Image workbooks (still in process), and started working with a Personal Trainer/Nutritionist.
The latter of these, the Personal Trainer/Nutritionist, has also been an amazing experience. I've learned SO much as far as proper nutrition and how to properly fuel your body to feel and perform the best I am able. While playing basketball in college, we would have 2+ hour practice, 1+ hour lifting, film, shoot-around, time in the training room, etc. etc. So I was used to having to spend most of my day being physically active and devoted to that activity, so it was a big lesson for me to learn how to be more efficient. Sometimes less IS more. And some of my new programs would only take me 45 min to complete. This was definitely a new mind set, but I realized that by using a personal trainer/nutritionist, is that they (or this particular individual), has the body down to a science. My diet and workouts can now be ubber efficient. No more killing myself with compulsive and excessive exercise, because that was counterproductive anyways.
Additionally, because I'm an "achiever" and have been a part of competitive athletics my entire life I have a constant desire for achievement and for challenging myself. I'm a perpetual goal setter; so being able to work with a trainer and work towards specific goals has been incredibly fulfilling for me. One of my previous goals was to train and compete in a Strongwoman Competition with my girl Wilfer. I was well into my regimen, bulked up, strong, and consuming quite a bit of protein, when Wilfer suffered a labrum injury in her shoulder; rather than proceed to compete alone, my trainer urged me to think about a bodybuilding competition.
Now for someone recently overcoming an eating disorder, this probably wouldn't be the most advisable thing to do. I have to admit that I'm pretty open, obviously, about my history and battle with ED (eating disorder), but my trainer is one person I hadn't openly shared my story to. For many reasons, but none the less if you are wondering why someone would recommend that to an individual with a history like mine...she didn't know. Although I wouldn't be surprised if she did know without me saying - she's pretty brilliant like that. Anyways. Bodybuilding has always been on my bucket list, and since I had spent so much time and energy on bulking with my strongwoman training it was a prime opportunity to take advantage of my size and transition into a cut/bodybuilding scheme. My history with ED also fueled me with motivation to tackle a goal of this magnitude and to achieve it in a healthy and educated manner. And to be honest this was probably the primary reason why I embarked on that journey. I wanted to prove to myself that I could accomplish this weight loss/body sculpting goal in the healthiest way (physically, mentally, and emotionally).
Recap of my life/program for the duration of my bodybuilding training:
Diet - up to 7 'meals' a day. Must be consumed every 2.5-3 hours, missing a meal is worse than missing a workout. I would prepare meals for the next few days, a couple days a week, and there wasn't much variety happening. Which was okay, because unlike most of the population, you are focused on consuming food for fuel, not for fun or for taste per say. And I continue to have that mentality for the most part today, although there are times that I like to enjoy new and different things.
- Breakfast: 3 egg whites & 1 whole egg, 1/2 fruit, 1/2 cup oatmeal
- Snack: protein shake, 1/2 fruit (or later in the training calendar) 12 almonds
- Lunch: 5oz protein, serving of cuniferous veggie, complex carb, 12-15 almonds
- Snack: protein shake, 12-15 almonds
- Dinner: 5oz protein, serving of cuniferous veggie, (every other night - complex carb, or later in training calendar...no carb), 12-15 almonds
- Pre Workout: 2 rice cakes, protein shake
- Post Workout: 1/2 fruit, whey protein
Workouts varied from 1-2 hours of lifting. And not just go in an throw some weights around. Bodybuilding lifting has to be incredibly focused. The mind-muscle connection needs to be there because you are working on such specific muscle groups. So focusing on contracting each muscle fiber, with each rep is critical. So while you are on a limited caloric intake these mentally and physically taxing workouts are intense. Oh and you still have a full time job, or in my case, I had 3 jobs. Yea. Still not sure how I did it. Although the bodybuilding lifestyle thrives on structure, so having 3 jobs probably helped in some sense by keeping me on task every moment of the day, 24/7.
Then there is cardio. Woof. In my case I needed fat burning cardio, because well, I needed to burn fat, but I also didn't want to lose my muscle mass I'd worked so hard to build. Lifting sessions count as some of your cardio, because its a constant boost to the heart rate, but on top of that I started with 30-40 min of slow steady cardio. Eliptical, rowing, and the evil stair climber. Stair climber is probably the most efficient, but damn did I dread climbing on that thing
Supplements included the usual. Fish oil and multivitamin, and some digestive aids (to help with the break down of protein since my protein consumption had to be so high. And to assist with recovery, BCAA's. Pretty standard, and since I was entering a Natural Bodybuilding Competition, we kept it simple. And clean. :)
Lifestyle. Insane. I lived basically out of my car, and ate most meals there as well. On the run. Especially having 3 jobs, I basically had 4 uniforms ready in my car every day. One for Dunn Bros, one for my Clinic job at the time, one for LTF, and one for workouts. Oye. The bodybuilding lifestyle is definitely one that requires sacrifices; mostly sacrificing sleep and time with family and friends. Luckily I have an amazing support system, and although they were likely annoyed and frustrated with me at times, I hope they know how important my journey was to me, and how much I appreciated them letting me follow my dreams. (Getting teary eyed). I have to say, this is one reason why I love Peter (and my family) so much. He is so accepting of me and my crazy goals, whatever they may be, and never complains about the stress and frustration that might ensue. But times when I need to be brought back to earth, he's there.
I spent about 7 month preparing for the First Annual Badger Classic Natural Bodybuilding Competition. While most of those 7 months were a blur, it truly was the most insightful, challenging, and educational time of my life. They say that "Life starts at the end of your comfort zone", and that couldn't have been more true for me. Not much of the bodybuilding lifestyle, well none of it, is comfortable; but I have never felt more alive. Besides losing 50 pounds from start to finish, I learned so much about myself and about what I want most in life. But the biggest lesson that I keep coming back to, is Anything is Possible.
At one point in my life, I think the scale read upwards of 265 and I was, as previously mentioned in Part I, incredibly insecure and essentially ashamed of myself. And competition day, the proudest day of my life, and I was wearing a skimpy bikini on stage (first time EVER wearing a 2 piece anything...like first time ever), posing, in front of an auditorium full of people. Again ANYTHING IS POSSIBLE. Annnnything. I overcame insecurities, battled an eating disorder, conquered 7 months of an intense lifestyle, combated physical, mental, and emotional fatigue, and (as much as I dislike this over used bodybuilding phrase) I Rocked the Stage.
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| Top Left: Me and Peter day of Competition, Top Right: Mom and I Bottom Left: Dad and I hugging after end of Prejudging, Bottom Right: My pro shot backstage. |
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